A Nice Form for Your Regressive Friends

As some of you may already know, I am a huge fan of the news site AlterNet.org (keeps me sane in this crazy world). After browsing through an article about the Tea Party, I came across this gem of a post — I honestly want to print this out and mail it to every jackass out there:

Posted by armorypk:

Define socialism. Define Marxism. Define communism. Define fascism. Define progressive. Define liberal.
You can’t. You’re clueless. Despise socialism that much? So, sign the pledge already:

I, ________________________________, do solemnly swear to uphold the principles of a socialism-free society and heretofore pledge my word that I shall strictly adhere to the following:

I will complain about the destruction of 1st Amendment Rights in this country, while I am duly being allowed to exercise my 1st Amendment Rights.

I will complain about the destruction of my 2ndAmendment Rights in this country, while I am duly >being allowed to exercise my 2ndAmendment rights by legally but brazenly brandishing unconcealed firearms in public.

I will foreswear the time-honored principles of fairness, decency, and respect by screaming unintelligible platitudes regarding tyranny, Nazi-ism, and socialism at public town halls. Also.

I pledge to eliminate all government intervention in my life. I will abstain from the use of and participation in any socialist goods and services including but not limited to the following:

*

Social Security
*

Medicare/Medicaid
*

State Children’s Health Insurance Programs (SCHIP)
*

Police, Fire, and Emergency Services
*

US Postal Service
*

Roads and Highways
*

Air Travel (regulated by the socialist FAA)
*

The US Railway System
*

Public Subways and Metro Systems
*

Public Bus and Lightrail Systems
*

Rest Areas on Highways
*

Sidewalks
*

All Government-Funded Local/State Projects (e.g., see Iowa 2009federal senate appropriations–http://grassle…)
*

Public Water and Sewer Services (goodbye socialist toilet, shower, dishwasher, kitchen sink, outdoor hose!)
*

Public and State Universities and Colleges
*

Public Primary and Secondary Schools
*

Sesame Street
*

Publicly Funded Anti-Drug Use Education for Children
*

Public Museums
*

Libraries
*

Public Parksand Beaches
*

State and National Parks
*

Public Zoos
*

Unemployment Insurance
*

Municipal Garbage and Recycling Services
*

Treatment at Any Hospital or Clinic That Ever Received Funding From Local, Stateor Federal Government (pretty much all of them)
*

Medical Services and Medications That Were Created or Derived From Any Government Grant or Research Funding (again, pretty much all of them)
*

Socialist Byproducts of Government Investment Such as Duct Tape and Velcro (Nazi-NASA Inventions)
*

Use of the Internets, email, and networked computers, as the DoD’s ARPANET was the basis for subsequent computer networking
*

Foodstuffs, Meats, Produce and Crops That Were Grown With, Fed With, Raised With or That Contain Inputs From Crops Grown With Government Subsidies
*

Clothing Made from Crops (e.g. cotton) That Were Grown With or That Contain Inputs From Government Subsidies
*

If a veteran of the government-run socialist US military, I will forego my VA benefits and insist on paying for my own medical care

I will not tour socialist government buildings like the Capitol in Washington, D.C.

I pledge to never take myself, my family, or my children on a tour of the following types of socialist

locations, including but not limited to:

*

Smithsonian Museums such as the Air and Space Museum or Museum of American History
*

The socialist Washington, Lincoln, and Jefferson Monuments
*

The government-operated Statue of Liberty
*

The Grand Canyon
*

The socialist World War II and Vietnam Veterans Memorials
*

The government-run socialist-propaganda location known as Arlington National Cemetery
*

All other public-funded socialist sites, whether it be in my state or in Washington, DC

I will urge my Member of Congress and Senators to forego their government salary and government-provided healthcare.

I will oppose and condemn the government-funded and therefore socialist military of the United States of America.

I will boycott the products of socialist defense contractors such as GE, Lockheed-Martin, Boeing, Northrop Grumman, General Dynamics, Raytheon, Humana, FedEx, General Motors, Honeywell, and hundreds of others that are paid by our socialist government to produce goods for our socialist army.

I will protest socialist security departments such as the Pentagon, FBI, CIA, Department of Homeland Security, TSA, Department of Justice and their socialist employees.

Upon reaching eligible retirement age, I will tear up my socialist Social Security checks.

Upon reaching age 65, I will forego Medicare and pay for my own private health insurance until I die.

SWORN ON A BIBLE AND SIGNED THIS DAY OF ____________ IN THE YEAR ______________.

___________________________ ___________________________

Signed Printed Name/Town and State.

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2 thoughts on “A Nice Form for Your Regressive Friends

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