Since I feel as if I’m starting to bore myself, I felt the need to take this blog into a new direction. And that direction is something I desire, you desire, we desire — SEX. Don’t worry, I’m not about to get completely Carrie Bradshaw on you guys. The main thing I want to address here is that too often men and women fail to understand each other and in the end someone always gets pissed off. And ladies, you need to stop with that whole “men are so difficult” bullshit. Men are the least difficult species. They usually mean what they say but then we over-analyze everything to the point of insanity. You just have to be like them and get straight to the point and if they can’t take that, then they’re probably gay and you should probably move on. But no, I’m not going to sit here and bash on my fellow clams. I want to address something that so many men fail to figure out because they are absolutely retarded. It’s a little thing called “What Do Women Want?”
This question first arose during teenage years when guys were struggling to find the clitoris (some still are unfortunately, probably while I’m typing this too.) What does it take to please a woman? Well, good news for you fellas because there is a woman out there researching the hell out of this (and you can thank the New York Times for the article.) A study was recently conducted by Meredith Chivers, a 36 year-old psychology professor at Queen’s University (Ontario, Canada). Her subjects were male and female, heterosexual and homosexual. She sat them down to watch pornography ranging from heterosexual, male on male, and female on female. She also included a nude male on the beach hanging out and a woman doing calisthenics in the nude. In order to measure their arousal she applied plethysmographs to the tip of the male subjects’ penises and inserted into the female subjects’ vaginas. What she found out was awesome.
It turns out that the female subjects were more aroused by all three versions of pornography than they reported on their keypads. They were more aroused than their male counterparts! Women were also more aroused by the naked lady working out than the dude, possibly because the male was not erect, delaying sexual signals. A quote from Dr. Meana explains it here: (NY Times)
“The female body,” she said, “looks the same whether aroused or not. The male, without an erection, is announcing a lack of arousal. The female body always holds the promise, the suggestion of sex” — a suggestion that sends a charge through both men and women.
Still haven’t answered your question yet? It gets better. Researchers such as Dr. Lisa Diamond believe that female sexuality comes from within. For example, why would a female proclaim to be a lesbian for a period of time then go back to males? She believes that women rely more on intimacy and emotions when it comes to sexual desire. Basically, women are more open to lovers of both sexes if they can provide the intimacy and emotional connection they need. Still with me? However, there are some that feel otherwise.
Dr. Marta Meana believes that a woman’s desire to be desired is really what makes arousal happen. She belives that “the variability within genders may be greater than the differences between genders,” that lust is infinitely complex and idiosyncratic. She also compared this finding to female acrobats. When women in the crowd look upon a woman onstage (okay, think of a strip club), they are “excitedly imagining that their bodies were as desperately wanted as those of the performers. ” She also mentioned that men can easily fuck up desire merely by saying things in bed like “is this okay?” over and over. I can totally relate to that which should be a clue to you men — if you’re not talking dirty, shut the fuck up. Okay, moving on. But Dr. Meana’s findings have lead to this conclusion:
“Really,” she said, “women’s desire is not relational, it’s narcissistic” — it is dominated by the yearnings of “self-love,” by the wish to be the object of erotic admiration and sexual need.
OH! And that women aren’t always into GIVING pleasure, but more into GETTING in. PLEASE FELLAS, write that shit down! And women’s “desire” for a so-called relationship? Blame the cultural manifestations in our society that says a girl must seek and maintain longevity in one. Really, women want to be ravished (just like how I would like to be ravished by that really hot Italian guy in Love Actually…you know who I’m talking about 😉 But not in a bad, psycho way, but in a gentle barbaric kind of way. Meana also mentions that about 1 in 10 women fantasize about sexual assault. Dr. Chivers research doesn’t disagree — she notes that women have a much stronger sexual desire toward strangers (ever wonder why you don’t want to learn a guys’ last name after hooking up?)
Thank goodness these women exist and are continuing their research into the vast “unknown” dimension known as female sexuality. But will we ever fully understand female sexuality due to social implications? That women are culturally groomed to view their sexuality in a certain way that may alter future research endeavors? The mystery may still remain.