Why My School Sucks

Some lucky freshmen bastards at the University of New England and Ripon College in Wisconsin are giving away new bikes to freshman if they leave their cars home. Other colleges are offering bike sharing and bike rental programs, making students feel a whole lot greener. And these bikes aren’t cheap either. Students at UNE are receiving personalized bikes valued at $480. Probably small tomatoes for that school considering they charge students $40,000 per year.

Anyoverpricey, one of the hippies told the NY Times:

“We’re seeing an explosion in bike activity,” said Julian Dautremont-Smith, associate director of the Association for the Advancement of Sustainability in Higher Education, a nonprofit association of colleges and universities. “It seems like every week we hear about a new bike sharing or bike rental program.”

Reducing the amount of cars on campus has become a staple for universities going green.

I would love to see this happen here in Jacksonville at UNF….but you can never tell a Floridian to leave their car at home. Especially in this city where everything is 30 minutes away. Oh, and to make me more jealous:

‘”St. Xavier University in Chicago this month is unveiling the first computer-driven bike sharing system on a college campus.

Students can wave their ID card over a docking port. The port is attached to a rubber tube, which can be used as a lock and opened by entering an access code. Students must enter the bike’s condition before it can be unlocked. The system is used in Europe, but with credit cards.

The first 15 minutes are free, and users pay 60 cents for each additional 15 minutes, or $2.40 per hour. All 925 resident students automatically become members through their ID cards. The system was intended to be environmentally friendly, with solar panels powering the ports.

A tracking system similar to G.P.S. will keep tabs on the bikes.”‘

Yeah, yeah, I’m a jealous ass. Because my bike got stolen at the beach this summer and I thought U-Locks were indestructible…that or my ex chewed through it with his snaggle teeth. Yeah, I had good taste. Really, I think there should be a special hell for people who steal bikes and lighters next to traitors. Their punishment should be to walk for eternity with only a bowl and a huge bag of dank weed…but no lighter.


One thought on “Why My School Sucks

  1. i go to une and i was one of the freshman that got in on this press pleasing, pseudo-green “stunt”. une is a great number of miles outside of the largest establishment in the area (biddeford proper) thus riding a bike there is unrealistic if a student wants to get there within a reasonable time constraint. secondly une is TINY, walking from my dorm to that farthest class room on campus takes a 5 min stroll. lastly, une is in Maine and most of the school year is during the winter months. i can guarantee that no one will be even thinking of riding around with snow on the ground. the only plausible reason that they did this was to call attention to themselves during the “green fad”. even as i sit here typing this i can see the bikes out my window that have not moved in months.

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