As an apology for the disastrous song I posted below, I give all of you busy workers a sad yet (somehow) uplifting video. I will try not to ruin your day anymore with bad video choices. I’m sorry.
Ummmm…. March 2, 2011
Sheezus people. Why? Because I listened to this, does this mean I’m going to die in 7 days? A minute of my life I’ll never get back. If you are a doctor and need to assist your patient with inducing a seizure, please feel free to play the video below:
One commenter wrote:
I’m sorry but the people that says this song is awful if because they don’t want kim kardashian become a pop diva this song is really good amazing and is already #1 on iTunes so shut your fucking mouth let Kim shine more into the spotlight bitches!
Yes, we are all jelliz h8rs!! Someone please do me favor and harass this person with music by Esperanza Spalding. I’m sure it will make their brain melt. The way she sings reminds me of her performance in her sex tape: boring, useless, and confusing. I’d rather watch semen dry on a sock.
Smoking Pot Makes You Crazy March 2, 2011
Every morning before I go to work I listen to a little radio show called the “MJ Morning Show.” MJ — the host and main DJ — is this right-wing square that loves to put in his two cents about politics and how awesome he is having never smoked any drugs. So this morning he brings up a story from the news about “Marijuana Psychosis.” I have heard about this before from those weird Marijuana addiction websites, but now there’s a full-fledged study about the risk of heavy smoking.
Researchers studied over 1,900 subjects in a period of over ten years. What they found was that Marijuana increases the risk of psychosis, but the study does not address whether or not it is a direct cause. However, “even when other factors such as socio-economic status, use of different drugs and other psychiatric conditions were taken into account.” (BBC)
But does this have to do with the type of Marijuana being smoked? Some feel that the MJ from back in the day was less potent compared to the stuff being grown and smoked today. Sir Robin Murray of the Institute of Psychiatry “said the study added “a further brick (ha!) to the wall of evidence” showing that use of traditional cannabis is a contributory cause of psychoses like schizophrenia.” (BBC)
So I guess all of these subjects had no pre-existing conditions that could have lead to this? One minute they’re saying there are increased risks from Cannabis usage, the next they’re saying it contributes to mental illnesses such as schizophrenia. I would think if you are at risk of schizophrenia, smoking skunk and becoming paranoid will definitely contribute to a psychotic breakdown. Some of us need to smoke to keep from having them.
But then again, this is a tale as old as time. Nothing in excess (caffeine, alcohol, soda, carrots) is good for you.
Greatest Thing Ever Written March 1, 2011
The document you are about to read will go down in history as the greatest thing ever written. A hundred years from now, our human ancestors will revel in its gloriousness, and it will be encased in greatness for future generations to read. I present to you, the greatest prank on Cash 4 Gold EVER:
Two and a Half Rocks March 1, 2011
It's all fun and games until there's a dead hooker found in the trailer.
I remember when I was a little girl watching the movie “Hot Shots,” and the immediate connection I felt to a certain character named Topper. His big muscle-y arms, slapstick humor, brown hair, and baby-face. Little did I know that I was in love with a crazy, womanizing, abusive douche-bag (and the trend carries on). The man I am talking about boys and girls, is Charlie Sheen.
So everyone has been talking about the man filled with Tiger’s blood, the embodiment of Adonis. And everyone keeps asking the same question: why would a man with millions of dollars, beautiful baby mamas and children, the world at his feet — why would he throw it all away for hookers and drugs?
And my answer to all of you people is: why not? Just because you have money does not guarantee you will be better immune to these kinds of things. In fact, having money guarantees that you have more access to them. And let’s face it — this guy has been doing this shit for years. Heidi Klum anyone? It was only a matter of time before he would actually start to not give a fuck.
So I wanted to find a few quotes from some of his interviews. It is no wonder why this guy’s publicist quit. Also, I feel really ashamed by thinking he’s hilarious. This asshole smokes during the entire interview! Anyway, here is my sociological interpretation of a creature known only as the “Sheen.”
“I woke up and decided, you know, I’ve been kicked around. I’ve been criticized. I’ve been like the, ‘Ah, shucks’ guy with like this bitchin’ rockstar life. And I’m just finally going to completely embrace it, wrap both arms around it, and love it violently. And defend it violently through violent hatred.”
See what I mean about the “not give a fuck” kicking in? Actually, I’m going to stop calling it “not give a fuck” and start calling it by its real name: CRACK. As we have all seen, the Sheen lives a life all of us are envious to have. He is a rock-star that likes to make violent love to metaphors. Metaphors he will also kill for.
“I was banging seven-gram rocks and finishing them, because that’s how I roll. I have one speed. I have one gear. Go.”
Ha! Like my post title now??
In order to sustain itself, the Sheen must seek out nourishment. He does this by utilizing a tool know as the “cell phone” and connects with pimps/prostitutes/Lindsay Lohan in order to find his next fix. If desperate, the Sheen might even consider a drive through West Hollywood at 3 am.
He also explains why he turned to alcohol and drugs in the first place:
“I did that because they work … change the way you see things and change the way you feel. And yeah, when you’re a little bit bored with the redundancy of certain aspects of your life, yeah, I think that’s why people do them.”
Typical reasoning for why someone would do drugs. And I’m pretty sure in his younger days he had the same excuses. But let’s be serious and also consider that this guy is probably dealing with a mid-life crisis. If you were lucky and didn’t have to see your father deal with one by buying diamond-studded earrings, here are a couple of signs:
Impulsive behavior and impetuous decisions, especially about money and/or their career. … Faced with the sudden interest to live their life to the fullest, a man may decide that a new Porsche makes perfect sense (despite it being well outside of the family’s finances and a decision he would have not likely made before the change in his behavior). He may decide that he absolutely must leave the job he was quite satisfied with just a few months before. Everyone changes in life but during a midlife crisis these changes can be extreme and seemingly come out of nowhere.
Questioning everything in one’s life and saying that they “feel trapped.” The later is easy to pick up with the terminology they’ll use in everyday life, including “obligations,” “no end in sight,” “burdened.” They feel that their job, family and everything else in their life is a never-ending series of demands on them.
However, the delusions of grandeur and invincibility — I’ll attribute that to the crack and whatever the hell else the Sheen does. Seriously, who is his dealer?
Honestly, I really wasn’t sure where I wanted to go with this post. A friend of mine wanted me to rant about how big of an asshole he is, but I wanted to try and understand him first. First off, I think people obsess waaaay too much with celebrity substance abuse. Maybe it warms our heart a little that someone who has everything has it worse than we do. I just see it as an example of how it doesn’t matter how much money you have, it can never make you happy. Especially if you’re fighting your spouse in a coke-fueled rage, locking hookers in pantries, and nearly killing yourself after an all night bender.
I really don’t feel sorry for the guy either. Millions of Americans suffer from substance abuse everyday, but everyone wants to do something about Charlie Sheen’s addiction so that “Two and a Half Men” will go back on air. Don’t get me wrong, I really do feel sorry for the staff and that they’re out of a job at the moment. But that show SUCKS. It is NOT funny and never will be. Shit — I would need to do a hit of crack just to sit through fifteen minutes of it! Good riddance. Hey CBS, you want Charlie to get some help? Stop enabling him by allowing him to be a functioning addict so that you can still make money off of him *cough* i.e. Britney Spears *cough.* And on that note, I leave you with this:
“I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available. If you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”
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